Der böse Abdiel hat geschrieben:Jupp, Du brauchst Dich auch weiterhin nicht zurückzuhalten (als ob Du das je getan hättest *gg*)...
Abdiel hat geschrieben:Nachtrag: Für billige Lacher hätte ich wohl eher das Binärtool verwendet, dass wäre viel wirkungsvoller gewesen!
Dirty Harry hat geschrieben:Es ist leider völlig sinnlos mir in Binär irgendwas zu unterstellen oder sonstwas, mir ist es zu blöde geworden es zu konvertieren.
. Laßt doch den armen Harry in Ruhe...
Frogo hat geschrieben:So langsam wird's aber primitiv
Deshalb mal zur Abwechslung wieder'n Witz:
Sohn: "Papa! Warum bin ich schwarz, obwohl Mama und du weiß sind?"
Papa: "Tja Sohn, dass war damals eine ziemliche Orgie. Sei froh, dass du nicht bellst..."
Simon the Sorcerer 2 RPG dialog
GM: We've come up here for the weekend to play Apartments and Accountants.
Simon: To play what?
GM: It's an exiting role playing game set in a world of real estate, accountants and technology.
Simon: You mean it's sort of like Dungeons and Dragons?
Scott: What's so interesting about dungeons and dragons? That's just real life. In the game you get to meet DJ's, Politicians and Danny Baker.
GM: I think we'd better get started.
Simon: Can I watch?
Scott: No Problem. Just try not to disturb us, Ok?
Simon: Whatever.
GM: Ok. Right. Has everyone got their characters sorted out?
Scott: Yeah!
Dave: Yeah!
GM: Let's do a quick character rundown then.
Scott: My guy's called Scott and he's a fourth level Student.
Dave: My character's Dave and he's a second level Rugby Player.
Rupert: I've got Rupert, the sixth level Computer Hacker.
Knock: I'm playing Knock and he's a ninth level Soldier.
GM: Alright. Do you all remember what's going on?
Scott: We've all been captured by fascist police and accused of penguin smuggling.
GM: That's right. Ok. You're all locked up in a cell awaiting trial. What are you going to do?
Scott: I think we should hold a demonstration.
Dave: Let's drink 12 pints of lager and deck some queers.
Rupert: I'll use my remote modem to cyberlink netcruise on the information sperhighway.
Scott: What good'll that do?
Rupert: None. I just get a kick out of saying it.
Knock: I'll smear animal droppings over my face.
GM: You don't have any animal droppings. And the fascist cops have taken Rupert's remote modem.
Rupert: Bugger.
Scott: Who's with me on the demonstration?
Dave: What are we demonstrating against?
Scott: Our wrongful imprisonment, of course. We could throw in some stuff about student hardship while we're at it though.
Rupert: I've still got my anorak haven't I?
GM: Yes.
Rupert: Thank DOS for that.
Knock: I'll try and bend the cell bars with my bare hands.
GM: You get a 10,000 volt shock from the electrified bars...
Knock: Ha! A measly 10,000 volts!
GM: ...and both your arms are blown off.
Knock: Ha! Who needs arms? Arms are for wussies!
Scott: Has anybody got any Rizla?
Dave: Has anyone got any lager?
Rupert: I'm going to search the cell for weaknesses.
GM: The cell is totally featureless except for a high window in one wall.
Rupert: I hate Windows.
Knock: I'm going to start a fight on someone.
Dave: Good idea. How about on Scott?
Scott: But I'm a pacifist!
Knock: What's a pacifist?
Dave: Someone who doesn't hit you back.
Knock: Sounds good to me.
Rupert: I'm going to talk about VAX-11 memory management systems to calm everyone down.
GM: Rupert manages to bore everyone into a state of blissful euphoria. Award yourself 200 experience points.
Rupert: Cool! That means I've got up to level seven.
GM: That means you get the special ability to talk in binary. Your sweaty odour rating goes up 5 per cent and your grasp of reality down by 10 per cent.
Rupert: 01000101 01010 0110 11100!
Knock: What we need here is a rucksack full of rocks and a mountain to yomp up.
Dave: I think we should have a scrum down and sing some dirty songs. I know this really good one about an Eskimo...
Knock: Either of you two wimps have any ideas?
Rupert: Wimp! I'll have you know I recorded 41 frags on NetDoom once.
Scott: We could try the old 'overcome the guards' trick. All we need is one of us to pretend to be sick or something.
Knock: I'll punch Rupert in the stomach then.
GM: You haven't got any arms, remember?
Knock: Ok. I'll KICK Rupert in the stomach then.
GM: Rupert is in a lot of pain.
Rupert: 1010111011101!!! That means 'aarrrghhh!!!' in binary.
GM: You think you can hear the guard coming.
Dave: Hur-hur. Hur-hur-hur. He said 'coming'.
Scott: We'll wait for him to arrive an then point out the comatose Rupert.
GM: The guard has arrived and enters the cell to have a look at him.
Knock: I'm going to grab a handy weapon in my teeth and hit him.
GM: What're you going to grab?
Knock: Er... Scott.
Scott: Hey!
GM: Ok. You deal the guard a heavy blow with Scott. Scott is in a lot of pain the guard is unconscious.
Scott: You bastard.
Dave: Ok. Let's get out of here.
GM: Unfortunately, neither Rupert nor Scott are in any fit state to move.
Dave: I'll grab Rupert if Knock can get Scott.
Knock: I'll grab Scott with my teeth again.
GM: Ok. You run---
Knock: I insist on yomping.
GM: Ok. Dave runs and Knock yomps down a long, dimly lit corridor.
Rupert: What is yomping, anyway?
Scott: It's like running but louder, I think.
GM: You pass a fire escape door on your left after about 200 yards.
Knock: Let's take it.
GM: You ch- you yomp through the door onto a fire escape which hasn't been built yet.
Knock: Oh...
GM: You fall about 20 feet before landing comparatively unharmed...
Knock: Comparatively to what?
GM: Scott, which is what you landed on.
Scott: I'd like to have a protest march.
GM: Knock has achieved multible fractures to both legs. Scott is very unconscious in a Scott shaped hole in the ground. Rupert and Dave are still at the top of the fireescape door.
Dave: We'd better look for another way down.
Rupert: I should be able to walk again by now.
GM: You feel sufficiently recovered to do that.
Rupert: Let's go then.
GM: You find your way down and out without any further trouble. You were being held in a disused warehouse and that guard was the only one there.
Dave: Right. Let's get the others and go down the pub.
Rupert: I need to EMail my virtual date in Singapore.
Scott: Have I regained consciousness yet?
GM: No. And budding quadriplegic Knock is now in severe pain.
Knock: Pah! Only the weak feel pain. I'll take a couple of military issue aspirin and be as right as rain.
GM: You feel a bit better, but you still can't walk.
Rupert: Right. Let's ditch the warmonger then.
Knock: What? But this unit would be nothing without me!
Dave: Yeah, you've been a great help already.
Scott: I am not a unit, I'm a free man!
Dave: I mean, what were you thinking when you shouted at that huge security guard?
Knock: Well, he looked at me sort of funny...
Rupert: Why can't you just live in peace?
Scott: Yeah. Chill out, man.
Dave: And then you legged it and he had a go at US!
Knock: I was, er... scouting the terrain. Er.. pulling off a valiant rearguard action style of thing. Er... I don't need to explain complex military manoeuvres to a civvy!
Dave: If it wasn't for Rupert's ability to bore people into a euphoric trance, we could have been in big trouble.
Rupert: I can't help it if no-one finds formal methods remotely interesting.
Dave: Shut up! Last time you mentioned that I didn't wake up for three days. Not that that's unusual of course.
Scott: Who needs drugs when you've got Rupert?
Simon: I can't take any more of this sad conversation.
After a while...
Simon: Wanna try this new triple caffeine stuff?
Dave: Sure.
GM: Damn. We're short of a player now.
Simon: Your friend has just turned into a beagle! Aren't you a bit shocked?
GM: Why whould we be? Probably just a variation in the local magical flux.
Scott: Happens all the time around here.
GM: Shame we're short of a player now... We'll have to find someone else to take his place.
Simon: I'll do it.
GM: Er... Ok then. D'you know the rules?
Simon: I think I get the gist of it.
GM: Have a seat. I've got a spare character for you.
Simon: It says here that I'm a journalist, reviewing games for computers?
GM: Yeah. A computer is like a magic box wh---
Simon: I know. I work for What PC Games Magazine Magazine.
GM: That's right. You have no sense of humour whatsoever.
Simon: Oi! That's fighting talk that is!
GM: Your character, I mean.
Simon: You mean that I give games 69 per cent because it's an amusing score?
GM: I can see you've got the hang of this already.
Simon: OK, where do we start?
GM: We may as well jump in to a fight straight away.
Scott: I don't approve, you know?
Rupert: Don't worry. I'm a dead shot with a BFG.
GM: You haven't got a BFG.
Scott: What does BFG mean anyway?
Knock: Big F---
Simon: Yes, yes, yes. I think we all suspect the answer to this one.
GM: OK, everyone roll the dice.
Scott: Seven. Damn!
Knock: Four.
Rupert: Two. How typical.
Simon: What are we fighting?
GM: Didn't I say?
Simon: No.
GM: An interior decorateur, 4th Class.
Rupert: Arrgh!!!
Simon: What's so scary?
Knock: They can drink endless Cups of Tea!
Scott: And show cavernous arse cleavage!
Rupert: What are we going to do.
GM: I think Simon had better roll.
Simon: Ok. Here goes! 8. Is that any good?
GM: I'm afraid not. You all lose 2 hit points. Roll the dice.
Scott: 7.
Knock: 6.
Rupert: 9.
GM: No good. It's all down to Simon.
Simon: D'you mind if I use my own dice?
GM: Go ahead.
Simon: Twelve!
GM: You hit him! Now roll again for damage.
Simon: Twelve again!
GM: He retreated! Well done.
Scott: Nice one. And you didn't have to kill him either.
GM: Simon get's the new player handout.
Simon: What's this?
GM: A wallpaper catalogue that he left behind.
Simon: Oh. How useful.
GM: OK, guys. What d'you wanna now?
Knock: Let's sack the place and steal everything of value.
Scott: That would be wrong AND immoral.
Rupert: Maybe they've got a new modem in here somewhere.
Simon: I hate to break up the flow, guys but I've gotta go. I'd like to say it's been fun but, well, it really hasn't.
GM: I guess we'll play on without you then.
Rupert: Cool! That means I've got up to level seven.
GM: That means you get the special ability to talk in binary. Your sweaty odour rating goes up 5 per cent and your grasp of reality down by 10 per cent.
Rupert: 01000101 01010 0110 11100!
